I just cannot even stand it.

Look who I got to hang out with all weekend! Five days of bliss, people. Pure bliss. She's 16 months old, and in her smiley/I love you phase...unless you wake her up from a nap in which case she, like me, becomes a vicious dragon lady.

Password = cutie pants
(in order to protect the little miss from complete randos of course).

Cutest baby on the planet, people. from satellitewalls on Vimeo.

Milking cows, trapped kitties, bucking broncos, and dangerously cute kids.

What I learned at a pumpkin patch in Iowa:

1. How to milk a cow! I'm pretty much a straight professional now. If you ever want any fresh water, straight from the cow's teet, let me know.



2. How to ride a horse.

3. I saw these kittens at the pumpkin patch and immediately wanted to adopt them, but was afraid they might be carrying bird flu or Parkinson's or herpes:



4. I have the cutest niece on the whole entire Earth.

I have the cutest niece on the whole entire planet.

Besides the fact that she's teething and wants to shove your fingers into her mouth and then bite them with her alarmingly sharp bottom two teeth and massive jaw strength...

Besides the fact that she is 8 months old and thus experiencing separation anxiety and shies away at anyone's touch and starts screaming when anyone besides her mom or occasionally her dad tries to hold her...

Besides the fact that just this week she reached an age in which she's old enough to know when she's in the car and thus scream and bawl because she hates being in the car seat...

And besides the fact that we were traveling from Berkeley to Yosemite which is 3+ hours (each way) of oftentimes maddening infant cries and bursts of frustration...

I have to ask you, HOW CUTE IS MY NEW NIECE?!?!?!

My niece.

At one week old she smiles...even in the face of danger.

Baby-crazy auntie.

As you'll recall, I've been waiting a long time for my sister's baby to be born. But as of exactly one week ago she's finally here!

Just look at her. Little Maya will cute the pants off anyone trying to be cute. Just look at that little tree hugger. She's an infant and she already loves the environment.

So as her favorite aunt, I definitely have responsibilities. I'm flying to see her tonight and I have a suitcase stocked full of things for her that I am now going to force you to oooo and aaah over. But each of these things has a reason behind them because it's my master plan to shape her into a perfect being. Observe.

1. Pretty pink girl dresses. My sister is a huge tom boy, and so is my brother-in-law, obviously. Someone's got to help the little lassie look like the pretty princess that she is.



2. A boy tank top of an alien flying to mars. Did I tell you Maya is going to grow up to be an astronaut? Well, she is. Because of me. And because of this shirt.



3. An actual infant-sized rash guard. You know, a rash guard, to prevent surfers from getting board rash. They're normally made for adults. But Maya will pretty much be a surfer by next year knowing her parents.


4. This stuffed animal, so that she may appreciate people of all different forms of beauty, and learn that even though she's really pretty herself, uggos can be fun too.

5. The world's cutest onsie.










6. And then, of course, I want her to be brilliant and love books like her auntie and uncles and mom and dad, so I picked her out these, which perfectly suit the personalities of her mom and dad.


7. And every baby needs a blanket. I dropped the ball on my plan for knitting something for her so instead I got her the softest, monkiest blanket I could find.

I hope she loves me.