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FRECKLEMEAT.COM


Love,
Anna

The most horrible thing you've heard all day.

Last night I watched Hello Dolly!, the 1969 film adaptation of the Broadway musical. It stars Barbra Streisand and has a special place in my heart because I was in this play in high school. When I realized it was available on instant Netflix, I decided to spend my Sunday night knitting and reminiscing.

As I watched, I was struck by the amazing, downright acrobatic talents of the dancers. I mean they are doing flips, no-handed cartwheels, incredibly impressive feats. And one actor in particular (who had a small part with not a lot of lines - Barnaby) was the best of them all.

<-- This guy. Danny Lockin. Ever heard of him? Probably not. AND HERE'S WHY. As I was exploring the cast list on IMDB, I noticed that next to Danny's name it said 1943-1977, which meant he only lived to be about 34, which is a shame because of how obviously awesome he was. Figuring he died of cancer or some sort of a freak accident, I explored his bio further. After describing Danny's childhood and career, the last line of his bio states, "The life of this wonderful and multi-talented man was tragically cut short when he was brutally murdered in 1977."

BRUTALLY MURDERED?! My skin crawled and I screamed out loud when I read that. What happened? Who would, and why would, and how? I investigated further. Apparently one day in August of '77, Danny's mom drove him to a taping of The Gong Show, a sort of talent show that he and another guy were competing in together. Clearly, they danced for their talent, and ended up tying for first place. After the show, Danny's mother was going to drive him home, but he wanted to go celebrate the win with his dancing partner, so his mom went on home without him.

So Danny and his bud stopped at a nearby bar and while there met this dude named Charles Leslie Hopkins. Later that night, back at his apartment, Charles called the cops, reporting a robbery. When the cops got there they found Danny's lifeless body, stabbed ONE HUNDRED TIMES with various stabbing instruments. Charles was charged with Danny's murder because in the apartment, police found a porno mag with pictures of torture/sex orgies which prosecutors later said was used as a script for Danny's brutal murder.

But hold on a minute. It seems like a closed case, right? Well. Because of a delayed trial, and an ill-timed U.S. Supreme Court ruling that limited the use of evidence at a crime scene without a search warrant, Charles ended up doing only TWO YEARS IN JAIL. He lived jail-free for decades and then died at age 63 from a heart attack.

Prior to Danny's murder, he was teaching dance, writing a play, and recording an album. I mean think of all the things he could have done with his life. He could have been on GLEE, for frick's sake! You know, in a cute little episode starring people from Broadway's past. Instead, he rests in a cemetery in Orange County. TEARS. :( So unfair. So horrible. So unfathomable. So tragic.

Understanding the history, myths, and adventures of women's sizing

I'm just going to put it right out there. Women's clothing sizes are not helpful. Consider the following images. Same person, same month, no major changes in body size or type (I would know; it's me).

Download this gallery (ZIP, null KB)

 

How does this even happen? What does this say about how we're marketed and sold to? And are we (the shoppers) participating in or even -- the cause of -- sizes changing and varying so drastically? 

Read the rest here!

Summer of shows!

You guys! It's show time. Steph and I just made it on a Six Ring team, which is the graduate level of the Brave New Institute, so we perform every other Tuesday starting tomorrow. Also, you may recall this delightful performance of in-the-dark improv called Batgirls. Well we'll be performing this three more times at a real show in June and July. Also, you might remember Zombie High School from last year. Well, the cast that brought you that piece of magic will be bringing you a new piece of magic this August. Get excited.

Six Ring Circus improv ($1):
Tues. April 26 at 7:30 pm brave new workshop
Tues May 10 at 7:30 pm brave new workshop
Tues. May 24 at 7:30 pm brave new workshop
Tues. May 31 at 7:30 pm brave new workshop
Tues. June 14 at 7:30 pm brave new workshop

Batgirls at Improv-a-go-go ($5):
Sun. June 5 at 8 pm HUGE Theater
Sun. June 12 at 8 pm HUGE Theater
Sun. July 3 at 8 pm HUGE Theater

"History Camp" Fringe shows ($12):
August 5 at 7 pm Mixed Blood
August 7 at 2:30 pm Mixed Blood
August 9 at 5:30 pm Mixed Blood
August 11 at 7 pm Mixed Blood

See you there! Unless you don't go. Then I'll just pretend you're there and do my best anyway. It'll still be fun. Don't worry. Ok love you bye.

Monster Stink Storms.

Watch TB Reed and his soul patch explain the intricacies and delicacies of fresh pit bull farts. Fun suggestion: follow my eyes as his lies deepen.

Lady Napkin Face

Our late night post-class happy hour was joined by Lady Napkin Face herself tonight. She sure does leave her mark. Especially on her wearer's tongue.

Pioneer woman pasta!

You guys! Look what I made in my teeny kitchen! It's this with a few exchanges and additions if you wanna make it too.

Adventures in Big World!

Things can get a little crazy at Ladies Weekend. They can also get a little...helpful. Don't you wish you knew how to operate your daily life in Big World? Well, now you do. Learn how to floss, brush your teeth, apply makeup, knit, drive your car, and so many other things in this very helpful and instructional video. Just...you're welcome.

You live on Avenue Q!

Avenue Q opens tonight! Starring TB Reed! I got to see a preview last night and the puppets, the singing, the antics, so great. Also, see the lady top right? She was so good that after the show I gave her an attack hug. Luckily she was nice and didn't even mace me.

Here's a little info about this show. It is an "autobiographical and biographical" coming-of-age parable, addressing and satirizing the issues and anxieties associated with entering adulthood. Its characters lament that as children, they were assured by their parents, and by children's television programs such as Sesame Street, that they were "special" and "could do anything"; but as adults, they have discovered to their surprise and dismay that in the real world their options are not unlimited, and they are no more "special" than anyone else.

Top 5 reasons America's Got Talent is a farcical piece of crap.

• The audience is taught how to boo before the show starts, asked to practice it, and encouraged to standing-ovation boo anytime they don't like someone.
• Audience members who scream out in the middle of acts or while the judges are talking are not only allowed to do so, but also rewarded with free gifts and camera time.
• At least every other act, at the celebrity judge audition level, is put in to be a fall-guy for people to laugh at and the judges to berate.
• Out of 12 people that I saw audition, some of the ones that passed on to the next level are a talking parrot, elderly bottle players, and a woman who sang a mediocre-at-best alto version of Ave Maria.
• The judges ask contestants the same questions multiple times until the contestant finally answers the way the judge wants them to, then that's the take they keep.

There are more, so many more, but I'm too seething with rage to type.

New presents for your ear holes!

Clearly, I upgraded my Shazam app to unlimited song tagging. Here are two new playlists categorized into Up songs and Down songs. Both so, so good. I promise. Your ears will smile. Enjoy!
                         
Up Songs (for when you need to dance!):



Down Songs (for when you need to take a chill pill):

Last night I became a Minnesota Woman.

You guys! To celebrate living in Minnesota for almost eight years (minus one year we'll call "bi-coastal internship year") I decided last night that it was high time I conquer the almighty tater tot hot dish. Turns out it's so, so simple. And tasty. LOOK!

Pre-cheese.

Post-cheese.

Basically, brown some ground beef (or ground turkey), mix in a cream of broc soup and a cream of potato soup, some frozen veggies, some extra corn because corn is scrumptious, and some milk because cows are nice, then line the top with frozen tots, cook for 30 min. on 350, add some grated chee' on top, then pop the sucker back in the oven for 10 minutes. Then nom!

Na na na na na na na na BATGIRLS!

For all of y'alls that didn't get to see us ladies of Performance Level 3 improv class perform today, you can watch us listen to us perform right here. We did an improv form called "The Bat" where all the lights are turned off and we just use our voices. Hippy dippy, no? We like it.

Carry on My Wayward Bad Romance

So MPR throws an employee cabaret every year, sort of like a talent show, at the Fitzgerald theater. This year, I was convinced (with minimal prodding) to be a backup dancer for the finale act. I'm in the red tutu. Than is next to me. The band largely consists of sound engineers. Check it!

Manda shows amazing way to wrap a scarf.

This is going to change your life, people!

Trampoline Park!

You guys. Stop it. Just listen. Just stop and listen for a sec. I WENT TO A TRAMPOLINE PARK LAST NIGHT.

It was my friend Troy's real birthday last night, so we celebrated by jumping on trampolines at an indoor trampoline park called Skyzone! Picture this. It's a big building with pretty much nothing but gigantic trampolines on the floors and walls. For reals.

This is what it looks like!

So Skyzone is in Plymouth, which is lame. But it was the most fun I have had jumping up and down in my entire life. Plus TB Reed, Troy and Taj are pro jumpers and they did flips in the air. FLIPS! We jumped so high. And the secret thing is you don't realize how hard you are working your body until 10 minutes goes by and then all of the sudden you are gasping for breath and dying of exhaustion.

Then we saw my favorite local band The Robinson Caruso Organization, which is a 10-piece R&B/Soul force of nature, capable of producing gale-force winds and devastating bouts of dancing. We danced, my dear friends. Oh how we danced.

Robinson Caruso Organization

And I just wanted to say those two things. Ok bye!

Birthday shakeface!

It happened. Troy and I threw the birthday party of our wildest dreams. There was cake, there was roller skating, there was dancing, there was karaoke............and there was shakeface.

"Anna! Stop it! What is shakeface?!" you ask. Fantastic question. It's when people shake their faces as hard as they possibly can while someone takes a flash photo of them. Note - I have very attractive friends. This fact is not evidenced by the following photos.

Troy Zimmerman

Andrew Foreman

Alyson Wise

Josh Kuehn

Adam Paolo

James Rone

Erin Sheppard, vampiress

Taj Ruler

Than Tibbetts

Tim Hellendrung

Alli Koch

Manda Larson

Jen Scott

Tom Reed AND Troy Zimmerman. PHOTO BOMB!

Thanks to TB Reed for his mad photo/wrangling/explaining skills, and for being birthday mother to Anna and Troy.

Transformation.

15-year old TB Reed was... well he was something...but thank GOD I met him at 27.

Yet another example of my brother's extreme hilarity.

Fringe 2011 here we come!

Soooooooo last night the cast of Zombie High School got into the 2011 Fringe Festival! That means we'll be coming at you with a new show this summer. Will it be Zombie College? Robot Salon? Poop your Pants the musical? Only time will tell.

Watch Berko nervously anticipate the start of last night's lottery.